you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize