all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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