We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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