I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
