How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
