Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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