Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
