i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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