He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
