So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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