She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize