I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
