with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
