I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
