Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
