It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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