well I can't set my house on fire every night
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
