You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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