Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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