She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
