I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize