oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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