Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize