How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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