Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
