it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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