Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
time to smoke my breakfast
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
