SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
