Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
only if we run a train.
done.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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