I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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