it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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