I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
