Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
