Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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