We won't sleep together?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
