everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
