you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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