Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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