I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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