You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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