see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize