Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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