I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
