im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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