Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
even my farts smell like vagina
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
