I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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