tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
