Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
