I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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