I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
