Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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