Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
