it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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