you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
