I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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