Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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