Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
