I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
