ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
