I've blown a few things in my day
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Boobs are out for the taking
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
