You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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