ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
