Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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