this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
