The best revenge is premature balding
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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