if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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