if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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