I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
