So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
