Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
