I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize