So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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