i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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