Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
