i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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