dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
