My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
