im about as happy as oj after his trial
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
