he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
