I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
