she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
