Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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