i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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