my mouth tastes like poor choices
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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