I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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