Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
